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brandon "i deleted the duck" silverman

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[11 Aug 2006|08:24am]
whoa, it's a duck.

let's go to all of these. [18 Mar 2006|04:28pm]
Bonnaroo - June 16-18, Manchester, TN, $169.50
Beck, Ben Folds, Bright Eyes, Buddy Guy, Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, Common, Damian "Jr. Gong" Marley, Death Cab for Cutie, Devendra Banhart Band, dios (malos), Dungen, Elvis Costello & the Imposters, Nickel Creek, Phil Lesh & Friends, Radiohead, Seu Jorge, Sonic Youth, Soulive, Steel Train, Stephen Malkmus & the Jicks, Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers

Pitchfork Music Festival - July 29-30, Chicago, $30
Jens Lekman, Mountain Goats, Spoon, Tapes 'n Tapes, Ted Leo/Pharmacists, Yo La Tengo, + more to be announced.

Lollapalooza - August 4-6, 2006, Chicago, $130
Broken Social Scene, Common, Cursive, Death Cab For Cutie, Feist, Iron & Wine, Kanye West, Mates of State, Nada Surf, Nickel Creek, Of Montreal, Panic! At the Disco, Queens of the Stone Age, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Sleater-Kinney, Sonic Youth, The Flaming Lips, The Go! Team, The Hold Steady, The New Amsterdams, The New Pornographers, The Shins, Thievery Corporation, Wilco.
whoa, it's a duck.

(my lj? wtf?) also, here's this, thanks to gillian again (still not posting for real) [05 Nov 2005|03:06am]
if you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, even if we don't speak often, please post a comment with a memory of you and me. it can be anything you want- good or bad. when you're finished, post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) about what people remember about you.

(also, if we have never met, you could make up a story or memory, because that's fun and creative.)
whoa, it's a duck.

this is interesting. and gillian did it for me. don't think i'm going to start posting again. [07 Aug 2005|02:23pm]
1. Reply with your name and I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I'll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in.
4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me (maybe/maybe not).
5. I'll tell you my first memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal. (if you want to)
whoa, it's a duck.

[25 May 2005|11:44pm]
reading: ask the dust by john fante.

"5/25/05 4:05 A.M.

It took a little long to find this pen I'm currently writing with. In fact, much deliberation went into whether or not to use a pen or pencil - in the end I chose pen. Uneraseable, in most cases.

Anyway, this here writing begins and ends two separate reigns or eras or periods or something. 3 years of an online journal comes to an end with these words and who knows how long this will last. I really hope I don't discontinue this too soon - I feel like this will be good for me.

I feel like I'm writing differently - more thought-enduced, er... on the go rather, than thought out (pre-meditated is better) to impress my avid reader population. I also realized that using a composition notebook (although I'm pissed I could only find wide-ruled) is a subconcious (never could spell that word right) tribute to Kevin Spacey and his character in Se7en. And I thought I was just being funny by making fun of emo-fucks.

I really wish I could write more for this momentous first entry, especially since I feel like I have a lot on my mind, but that's what this journal enables - me to write (almost) whenever I feel like it/can. No more html to figure out in the process that makes (made) me shy away from writing a lot online. The point of this was I'm tired. Goodnight."

and with that i end my online journal. i'll still keep this website up as a possibility i may end up writing here again, but don't plan on it. i also wouldn't want to delete almost three years' worth of emotions and events and etc. i will still probably write in my livejournal as a means to announce shows/parties/random articles/whatever else, but as for actual entries: no more.
whoa, it's a duck.

[07 May 2005|02:47am]
reading: one day in the life of ivan denisovich by alexander solzhenitsyn.

i actually had enough on my mind that i pulled myself out of bed, blinded myself with the computer screen, and started writing.

my journal entries are continuing to be few and far between, and maybe it's for the best. i'm starting to feel like i have a lot i want to say, but my life is becoming so personal (that's not really the right word) that i can't share it with everyone and i don't want to share it with everyone. there are things i want to say about people and i don't want them to see it, and there are things i want to say that i know people can't keep to themselves. when i went to connecticut, kim showed me her paper journal, and it just showed me how successful (again, not really the right word) a paper journal can be. in my junior year of high school i had a paper journal to get out all of my frustrations but it turned out to be so depressing to look over it that it lasted maybe two months. maybe i should abandon this one and start a "real" journal again, see what happens.

or maybe these sparse updates are just writer's block. maybe my muse will come back to me and i'll forget all of this talk. who knows.

i haven't picked up a book that wasn't for school in probably a week. disappointing. summer (in six days!) will change this. i'll have a lot of time to do everything i plan.

speaking of summer: lisa left today for home for summer, and it was sad. she is one of my better friends here so it sucks that i won't be able to see her for three and a half months, but just the actual leaving, the action, makes it so much more sad. we're all going to be leaving this place we call boston for three and a half months, and it still baffles me: my life is full of cycles. i leave for college, i cry as i say goodbye to burlingame. three and a half months later, i leave for winter, i cry as i say goodbye to boston. and so on and so forth. my life is full of three and a half month bursts that don't interact or overlap (except for one occasion), and i question when this life of cycles will end, and which one of my worlds i will end up staying in. i may actually spend next summer in boston, end this cycle business nice and quick. maybe not. it's a scary thought, it's a sad thought, and it's amazing that one person leaving led to me to all of this mumbo jumbo.
it's a duck.

[25 Apr 2005|07:50pm]
reading: one day in the life of ivan denisovich by alexander solzhenitsyn.

i was going to write last night but i don't know what happened. i think maybe this is why i'm not updating as much as of late: i want to write, i have things to write about, but i never end up opening notepad, and then forget what i wanted to say the next day.

i went to connecticut with my friend kim for passover and it was a lot of fun. simmsbury has so much history, it's amazing; there are still houses there from the 1700s. that's fucking amazing. also, apparently, connecticut is trying to construct a trail that goes through the whole state. that's pretty damn cool too.

i think kim's parents poisoned me with the flu because i am definitely coming down with something. dammit. hopefully i can fight through these next two and half weeks(!!!) and then get a shitload of rest to fight this illness off once summer starts.

riding on the bus from connecticut last night got me thinking about a lot of things. just being on the bus reminded me of sojourn to the past, and from that i started thinking about the girl i had a crush on when i was on the trip. but for the life of me i can't remember her name. i could probably find it, locked away in some e-mail somewhere, but what interests me the most is how people can just come and go in your life. this girl obviously made a big enough impact on my life to remember her, but not enough to remember her name. i just wonder how many people i've done that to; how many people randomly think of me while they're on a bus?
whoa, it's a duck.

[18 Apr 2005|03:20am]
reading: the motorcycle diaries by ernesto che guevara.

i'm sorry guys. i really don't know what has come over me, but this journal is feeling more and more like an obligation than an outlet. i can't seem to express myself clearly, and at times i don't even feel like expressing myself. my thoughts are too jumbled nowadays to understand if i write them down, or maybe i'm just too stressed with maintaining my 3.0 so i can keep my scholarship. damn college is hard. either way, i might just stop writing in this thing altogether. i'm not really sure. i guess we'll just have to wait and see what happens.

i have a few things to look forward to: passover in connecticut, dane cook, q and not u, caribou, sting. and then, bam! i'm home. time never ceases to baffle me. i can't believe that i am this close to being done with my first year at college. so many experiences, so many cool people met, so much learned in a flash.

i have seen twelve different girls wearing moccasins since i started counting two weeks ago. i smell a new fad.

another goal for this summer: a girlfriend. i think it's about time for me to experience a relationship, and i think that this summer is the perfect time to do it. the only tough part would be the end, having to say goodbye, but, any takers? i'm totally serious.
whoa, it's a duck.

[04 Apr 2005|12:02pm]
reading: a clockwork orange by anthony burgess.

i finally finished that goddamn book. took more than a month. hopefully i can get back on track with my reading and finish a clockwork orange this week. let's see what happens.

it's already april, and i don't know about you guys but i am pretty damn excited for april this year. the weather is getting warmer, summer is approaching quickly - everything is just headed up. i get to find out where i'm living this month, i register for classes next semester this month, there's a shitload of shows i'm going to this month - basically april will be awesome.

i think i've realized that no matter how much i do to increase my karma, things are way out of my hands. that show will always be sold out (*shakes fist at axis*), that girl will always go out with the other guy. it doesn't matter what good deeds you do, things happen for no reason at all. i used to believe in that whole karma thing, but i don't think i do anymore.

today marks the debut of the royal donuts. izaak and i are pretty damn excited, and you should be too. so go check it out, losers.

i can always count on bowling to make me happy.
whoa, it's a duck.

[30 Mar 2005|05:24pm]
because you care:

May 13 - Jimmy Eat World, Taking Back Sunday, Mates of State @ Henry J. Kaiser Arena
May 14 - LCD Soundsystem, M.I.A. @ Fillmore
May 17 - The Books @ Cafe du Nord
May 19 - Prefuse 73 @ Great American Music Hall
May 21 - Sam Prekop @ Great American Music Hall
May 25 - ...And You Will Know Us By the Trail of Dead @ Fillmore
May 25 - Shout Out Louds @ Great American Music Hall
June 1 - Bloc Party @ Fillmore
June 2 - Of Montreal, Tilly and the Wall @ Great American Music Hall
June 2 - The Get Up Kids @ Fillmore
June 3 - Out Hud, Tussle @ Bottom of the Hill
June 4 - Sleater-Kinney @ Warfield
June 7 - Athlete @ Cafe du Nord
June 9 - Pinback @ Fillmore
June 11 - Dave Attell @ Warfield
June 12 - The New Trust @ Bottom of the Hill
June 16 - Aesop Rock @ Fillmore
June 18 - The Futureheads @ Fillmore
June 18 - Rilo Kiley @ Grand Ballroom at Regency Center
June 18 - Joshua Redman @ Great American Music Hall
June 19 - Enon @ Bottom of the Hill
June 20 - Spoon @ Fillmore
June 24 - The Mountain Goats, Sarah Dougher @ Bottom of the Hill
July 5 - Lawrence Arms @ Bottom of the Hill
July 13-15 - Built to Spill @ Slim's
August 24 - Ben Folds, Rufus Wainwright, Ben Lee @ Mountain Winery

i'm also planning to possibly head down to san diego to see bright eyes play on june 10.

summer's looking damn good so far.
whoa, it's a duck.

[30 Mar 2005|01:50am]
reading: middlesex by jeffrey eugenides.

sorry for the incredibly sparse updates as of late. i'm still alive, i promise. just a lot going on. i should be sleeping.

i've never been so disappointed in myself. i've been reading middlesex for more than a month. goddammit.

this is a shitty entry. i figured i might as well check in though. summer needs to come now. it's six weeks away. that sounds so close but it's also really far. argh.

one of my goals for summer is to watch every single movie kevin spacey has been in, chronologically. i have many goals for summer.
whoa, it's a duck.

[18 Mar 2005|12:25pm]
reading: middlesex by jeffrey eugenides.

i've lost all motivation in everything. i don't want to do work anymore. i'm not even reading. i haven't even fully unpacked yet. spring break was a horrible idea - all it did was remind me of how awesome last summer was and gave me a taste of the prospective awesomness of this summer. i'm already checked out. i'm ready for summer. i already have my ticket home (and a ticket to jimmy eat world). but i still have two essays, two midterms, and three finals left, as well as other things that i probably should do but most likely will never even attempt. blah, someone give me something to look forward to that's closer than summer.

almost everything about western europe is better than the united states.

caffeine makes me all jittery and makes my stomach feel like crap. but i can't stay awake in class without it. my life has come down to either feeling like shit physically or feeling like shit mentally.

sometimes i just want to drop out of college, learn guitar, and become ted leo.
whoa, it's a duck.

[13 Mar 2005|03:07am]
reading: middlesex by jeffrey eugenides.

i hope all my readers out there enjoyed my hiatus as much as i did. two weeks without writing; very interesting. i also hope all my readers adjusted to the move as easily as i did. as you will notice, i am under a brand new domain name. www.theroyaldonuts.net will be a collaborative effort between myself and izaak schlossman (who is currently using the domain name as his journal, for now), something of a online zine if you want to call it that. basically, it's gonna be hella cool, and should be up and running in the coming weeks.

yes i'm still reading middlesex. i've fallen way behind in my reading, something i'm not very proud of. it just feels as though i have less and less time to read and more and more obligations to do things like homework or other stupid shit like that. hopefully i can pick up the pace again, because i really like the fact that i'm reading for pleasure again.

i guess the biggest news of these past two weeks is that i am no longer straight edge. it took a lot of thinking, and if you truly want to know all my reasons for it, then ask. basically i'm happy with my decision. my deal is this though: i will be the middle, gray area. i don't want to drink every weekend or even get piss drunk all the time, just tipsy. i don't want to get high every day, just when i feel like it. this decision is totally fun-oriented. if i want to have fun while inebriated, then i'm going to do that. knowing me it won't be that often, because i can have a fuckload of fun without drugs or alcohol (as my previous eighteen and one half years of soberness has shown me), but it'll still happen from time to time. i've already smoked (several times this week - a stat that i'm not proud of, but it's something new i'm trying out, my pace will definitely not be this much from here on out), and plan on drinking sometime soon. we'll see what happens.

today is my last day of spring break. yesterday i went to the beach (the beach! in 80 degree weather! while it's snowing in boston!) with jacy, scott and ian, and had a moment, not necessarily of clarity, but of pure happiness. it happened when i was driving up highway 1, on the way back from san gregorio, watching the sunset out of the corner of my left eye, and listening to the beauty of "one headlight" by the wallflowers. i was just overwhelmed with happiness. i didn't want to be with anyone other than the three i was with, i didn't want to be anywhere else. it was perfect, and it felt great.

in other news, according to www.humanforsale.com, i am worth exactly $2,112,950.00.
whoa, it's a duck.

[26 Feb 2005|07:47pm]
reading: middlesex by jeffrey eugenides.

this whole dance rock thing is out of control. i saw the futureheads last night and they were amazing, but the first band just seemed like another dance rock talking heads wannabe band. i think it's cool that people are finally starting to appreciate the music that came out of the eighties (well, some of it at least; let's try and forget that whole hair band thing), but this is nuts. yes, some of the bands are amazing, but it seems that nowadays the only new bands to come out are of the dance rock genre. and people are buying into it. man, it really is crazy how popular this is becoming. last year i would have never thought a band like the futureheads could sell out a show. whatever, i can't say that i don't enjoy a lot of it.

staying on the subject of music, i'm feeling very creative all of the sudden, but i have no output. maybe creative isn't the right word - i just have this longing to do something musically but i can't seem to find anyone who has a similar taste of music and plays an instrument as well out here in boston. maybe i'm not looking hard enough. but i really want to be in a band again. i love that rush of performing, i love the camraderie you gain from being in a band, and it makes me feel productive, especially when i hear my band come up on shuffle. i went to a party last week and there was a band jamming and i asked the bass player if i could play and so i did. it was awesome. that little event just got me thinking and wanting and wishing and such.

these past couple of weeks have been a blur and suddenly i'll be back home in less than a week. i love it. i'm totally ready for summer though, and it seems so far away. hopefully the next nine(?) weeks will go by as fast as the last couple weeks have.

although, i don't know, maybe i don't want the weeks to go by that fast though. i'm really enjoying myself here. it seems that i've finally found a group of people that i really enjoy being around, that like the same music and have the same sense of humor, that get together to make fun of american idol, that can't go eat in the dining hall unless there are ten of us, and that are overall awesome. i can't wait for summer, but i don't necessarily want to leave these kids all so quickly.
whoa, it's a duck.

[25 Feb 2005|12:16pm]
goddamn, why did my job have to end?

February 25 – The Futureheads @ Paradise*
February 26 – Recover, Armor for Sleep @ ICC Church
February 27 – Helms @ Great Scott
March 1 – Alexisonfire @ Middle East*
March 2 – The Toasters @ Middle East
April 2 – The Album Leaf, Roots of Orchis @ TT the Bear’s Place
April 3 – Minus the Bear @ Axis#
April 4 – Dogs Die in Hot Cars @ Paradise*
April 5 – Bloc Party @ Paradise*
April 6 – Out Hud, Hella @ TT the Bear’s Place
April 12 – M83, Ulrich Schnauss @ Paradise*
April 13 – Brendan Benson @ Middle East*
April 14 – Clickers @ Middle East
April 15 – The Bravery @ Axis#
April 17 – Animal Collective @ Middle East
April 22 or 23 – Dave Holland Big Band @ Regatta Bar%
April 29 – The Books @ Museum of Fine Arts#
May 4 – Caribou @ Middle East#
May 5 – Sting @ Agganis Arena*
May 14 – Ben Folds @ Avalon#

* denotes already have ticket
# denotes going to buy ticket in very near future
% denotes should get a ticket but it's fucking expensive

april is fucking nuts.

real update later tonight, probably.
whoa, it's a duck.

[17 Feb 2005|03:20am]
reading: naked lunch by william s. burroughs.

i'm feeling a lot better.

emo day was a lot more nice to me than valentine's was. i bought chocolates for 50% off. i listened to the get up kids all day. then she and i went out to dinner, the two of us, walked down to kenmore square, lots of talking, laughing, and not necessarily working things out, but making things less, i don't know, rocky than they had been the previous days. i feel more comfortable, i feel better, and i think she feels the same way. but you can never really know what a person actually feels. let's just hope that in her mind things are ok as well and they go back to what they used to be like. of course i'll have to try and stop liking her so damn much.

i have no class tomorrow because i only have one class on thursdays and that was cancelled. so i spent all day downloading music and now i have over 8000 songs. my name is brandon matthew silverman, and i am the ultimate music whore.

i should start leaving notes for myself because i think of things to say in my journal entries during the day, but always manage to put writing them off until later at night. and then i don't remember what i wanted to say. i search around for things to remind me but no, nothing.

blur is one of the most underrated bands, ever.

quietkey keyboard my ass. this keyboard hasn't been quiet since the day i got it. my roommate's asleep and i'm barely touching the keys. this thing took forever to type.
whoa, it's a duck.

[14 Feb 2005|02:27pm]
reading: naked lunch by william s. burroughs.

i've never really been a valentine's day fan. not that it's ever been bad to me, just that there's never been anything to look forward to. this year isn't any different.

frankly though, i feel like shit.

saturday night was probably one of the most interesting nights at college yet. i went to a show on campus and skanked for the first time since summer. that felt good. then i came back to my floor, and that's when the craziness started. the drunken ones started coming home and along with them came laughs, stories, throw up, secrets, and heartbreak until 5:30 in the morning. i unfortunately was on the receiving end of this heartbreak.

i need to reevaluate the way i act around girls i like. nothing i've tried seems to work, unless i know for sure that they like me too. i'm so unexperienced in the romantic realm, and i'm not getting any younger. it just freaks me out that i've never been in a real relationship and i'm 18 years old. i don't know what to do in the relationship, i don't know how to deal with that breakup if it comes. that's all i'm asking for: experience. and a good time. i've only known two people that actually liked me, and i messed both of those possibilities up. people tell me to wait, it will come to you, stop looking so hard, but it's kind of discouraging to know that in my six or so years of being interested in girls, only two have liked me.

this isn't the brandon spirit. come on, head up, keep fighting. something good is bound to happen right? it has to.

i feel like shit and the only person who can fix it won't.

i'll be back home in a little under three weeks. i expect a lot of hugs.

how's that for an emo valentine's day entry?
whoa, it's a duck.

[07 Feb 2005|01:55am]
reading: women by charles bukowski.

i listened to hardcore all day to get all manly for the super fucking bowl. and it was a disappointment. not only was it boring, but the patriots won. i know, i know, i live in boston, i should like the patriots. well, fuck you. i will never like the patriots as long as tom brady is on their team. ok, that's the end of my sports talk.

my job is ending this week, but at least i still have a $180 check coming my way. but this means i need another job. i'm actually seriously considering blockbuster again. i can make it work. maybe.

ok really, i was thinking about this entry most of the day, and i totally forgot everything witty and funny and worthwhile and interesting that i wanted to say. i don't know what's wrong with me.

i've been in a really good mood lately and i'm not sure why. i tell people i'm happy but have no reason for it. i think that's the best kind of happy. it sure is a good upturn from last weekend's crapfest.

i think fate is taunting me. actually, i sort of hope that fate is taunting me.
whoa, it's a duck.

[04 Feb 2005|12:46pm]
so, that freeminimacs.com thing works. my one offer went through, now i just need 10 people to do the same... oy.
it's a duck.

[31 Jan 2005|07:09pm]
reading: we by yevgeny zamyatin.

this is the procrastination of brandon matthew silverman.

a lot of talking and figuring things out and moping around and emo away messages have led me to the conclusion that i let my emotions lean way to much on what i think a certain girl thinks about me. i can't really think of a situation where this moping about actually did anything for me - the only times i've ever accomplished things with girls are when i've just gone for it. i don't know why this has taken so long for me to realize.

i finally got a digital camera, so hopefully i will be taking a lot of pictures and posting them for everyone to see. i need to start getting back in the habit of taking my camera wherever i go. i enjoy photography a lot; it's amazing that i lasted this long without a working one.

on saturday i built the new neuchatel website, starting at two in the afternoon and finishing roughly around eight in the evening, with a dinner break in between. probably the quickest website i've ever thrown together. i really don't know what to think about it, it's sorta different from anything i've ever done, but i'm not really sure if i'm proud of it or not. whatever - i think the main reason was to get my mind off of shit. anyway, enjoy it, or else.

i have $7.77 left in my checking account. too bad seven isn't my lucky number.
whoa, it's a duck.

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