brandon "i deleted the duck" silverman (hellacheez42) wrote,
brandon "i deleted the duck" silverman
hellacheez42

  • Music:
reading: naked lunch by william s. burroughs.

i've never really been a valentine's day fan. not that it's ever been bad to me, just that there's never been anything to look forward to. this year isn't any different.

frankly though, i feel like shit.

saturday night was probably one of the most interesting nights at college yet. i went to a show on campus and skanked for the first time since summer. that felt good. then i came back to my floor, and that's when the craziness started. the drunken ones started coming home and along with them came laughs, stories, throw up, secrets, and heartbreak until 5:30 in the morning. i unfortunately was on the receiving end of this heartbreak.

i need to reevaluate the way i act around girls i like. nothing i've tried seems to work, unless i know for sure that they like me too. i'm so unexperienced in the romantic realm, and i'm not getting any younger. it just freaks me out that i've never been in a real relationship and i'm 18 years old. i don't know what to do in the relationship, i don't know how to deal with that breakup if it comes. that's all i'm asking for: experience. and a good time. i've only known two people that actually liked me, and i messed both of those possibilities up. people tell me to wait, it will come to you, stop looking so hard, but it's kind of discouraging to know that in my six or so years of being interested in girls, only two have liked me.

this isn't the brandon spirit. come on, head up, keep fighting. something good is bound to happen right? it has to.

i feel like shit and the only person who can fix it won't.

i'll be back home in a little under three weeks. i expect a lot of hugs.

how's that for an emo valentine's day entry?
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